Happiness

Since I last posted a lot has happened in my life, I moved to the UK and I started year 12. I met some of the best people I’ve ever met and I think I can say I’m happy, finally, I’ve been wanting so say it for ages but it didn’t feel right, I needed to get out of that town and when I finally did, I was free and I felt different. Meeting those people affected me more than anything has, in these two weeks I’ve done so much, I’ve integrated myself into a group of people who I would be proud to call friends and I love every single one of them. I’ve also found myself falling for my best friend in that group, we where hanging out more and more and spending time alone with each other and well we ended up asking each other out... I’ve never been happier!!

A small life update

Since I last wrote here a lot of things have happened, but I would like to share the most important ones.

·I've been trying to be more sociable and hang out with friends and family, and it's been working out just fine. I still have trust issues though so I try to be cautious with what I say or do. Even though I'm still paranoic and sometimes I think my friends just hang out with me because they feel sorry for me, I try my best to enjoy myself.

·This summer I got mmy diving licence so I can now rent or buy diving gear and go diving whenever I want!!

·Something happened that made me very, very proud of myself: I saw a woman that I hadn't seen in a few years and she told me that I looked amazing and really different, that now I smiled more and I loooked more healthy. This made me think how much better I've gotten over the last few years and that I also feel better, something that I'd never noticed.

So to summarise: I'm doing much better, I'm feeling much happier, I'm glad I'm still alive.

Facing suicidal thoughts

I had a rough breakup recently, and when I realised I would never see him again I cried and cried, I thought I’d never be happy again. I started thinking about taking my life, because I reckoned no one would care, and the pain I was feeling would just go away. But you never truly loose the pain, that pain is adopted by the people who love you. And there’s more people who love you than you think. Your parents would cry, your friends would miss you, your pet wouldn’t understand why you never came back....

There are always reasons to stay, always. Nothing is permanent. Life is always changing. Set a goal, even if it’s just getting up in the morning, going outside, or talking to someone. That honestly helps. I used an app called Sanvello and it’s incredible, it helped me a lot. 

If you feel like you need help, even though no one takes you seriously, DO IT. You know yourself better than anyone else. 

Dealing with anxiety

I'm in a bad spot mentally at the moment, I'm very emotional and I start crying very easily. I've been meaning to talk to someone but I'm too scared to call a helpline. I almost called the Samartarians today but I chickened out... I should get some help before I get worse, but I'm really bad at comunicating my feelings.

I think I'm gonna start a Tumbr blog to release my feelings, maybe do a bit of creative writing, maybe on here, maybe not. Either way I'll link my Tumblr even though I don't think anyone will read this or anything I'll write.

Whomever you are I hope you have an amazing day. And, in case no one has told you today: you are loved and apreciated. <3

BELGIUM exchange

Day 1:

When we arrived at the airport on the first day I was very nervous. The family I was staying with didn't come pick me up so I had more time to get myself together before meeting them. We got to the school about an hour later and everyone went to meet their families.
That day was pretty light, I met the whole family when I got to the house and my exchange student, Luna, showed me to my room. I left my bags upstairs and went to see the rest of the house. A bit later we took the bikes and met some friends at a bar. We spent the whole afternoon together. It was a nice sunny day. It was a great start to an amazing week. I was very tired that day so I slept very well.

Day 2:

On the second day we met up with everyone else at the chapel after a very long bike ride to get to the school. This was the first day we'd seen everyone who would be in the exchange so I was amazed at how many people where there. That day we did a game in the town and had to do some tasks, but they where in Dutch, so the Belgian students had to translate. It was a fun day but we got a bit bored of the game after a while.

Day 3:

On the third day we went to Antwerp by train, this was by far my favourite city. It was also a very nice day and we had quite a bit of time off. We played another game in the ciry and then we had time off. We had lunch, had some beer and went shopping. In my opinion Antwerp is the most beautiful city we saw in Belgium. 

That evening Luna, my exchange student, had dance practice, so we had supper at McDonalds and I went to practice with her and watched them.

Day 4:

On the fourth day we stayed at the school. We had a lesson (mine was french), made waffles and wrote poems. It was a very nice day, and because we finished earlier than usual we had time to do something that afternoon. We decided to watch a nice film and invite some friends over after. We watched Grease, an amazing classic musical and invited some friends over afterwards. We ate cake and played board games. After supper we went to a just dance + karaoke activity at the school. It was a good evening. 

Day 5:

On the fifth day we went to Brussels by bus, it was a cold day and it wasn't very nice. We played a game as well but we tried to hurry it so we could have time off. Everyone was very tired by the end of it. I didn't have a very good day but when we got home we had supper and I was able to go to bed a bit earlier.

Day 6:

On the sixth day we went to a city called Hasselt, where we used an app to play a game and answer some questions about the city. After lunch we went ice skating and I had a lot of fun!! That night we had a fearwell party at the school, since we where leaving the next morning. I made a lot of friends and had a lot of fun that night. I honestly couldn't waitt to host them in Spain!! 

Day 7:

On the last day I had breakfast at home and they took me to the school, where they took us to the airport in groups. We got to the airport and swiftly got through security and to the door with plenty of time. Sadly the plane was half an hour late and we had to wait. The flight was pleasant and we got home safely. The way back home from Barcelona was hard because it was Friday evening and everyone had just gotten off work. That night most of the class went to the carnival (including me). I had a very good time but I was exhausted when I got home!

Making decisions

I'm anxious so it's really hard for me to make decisions. Right now I kinda have to make a hard decision and I honestly don't know what to do.

I usually need a long time to actually make decisions because I have to analise all options completely before deciding on one. 

Right now my decision is even more complicated because I don't even have options, I have to make up my own.

So here's my rant, thanks for reading :)

Procrastinating and talking about my life :)

Hi, my name is Georgina, I’m sixteen years old and I live in Spain. Right now I’m going through a rough period in my life, it’s not really that bad, and I’m just overdramatic and anxious. I really need to get better at doing the things I need to do but I don’t know how. My parents are trying to help me by taking my phone away and things like that, but it doesn’t really help to be honest, because I basically get distracted by everything, I procrastinate when I’m supposed to be studying or doing homework. I know I shouldn’t do this but I honestly can’t help it. Right now I’m in class and this is another way I procrastinate, writing things. Maybe this is good for me but I’m supposed to be doing other things, everyone else is doing homework and I’m here typing away on my computer and the teacher doesn’t even give a single shit. I can’t physically vent so this is how I do it instead!! It might be extremely annoying to me when I find this in a few months but maybe I can at least laugh about it….. Anyway, my friends don’t talk to me like they used to, I feel lonelier every day, and I only hang out with the same 3 people, not even every day!! I’m very annoyed by that because it’s not what I’d pictured as a child but you never know…. My life is better than it was a few years ago, but not as good as it was last year. I wish I could turn back time sometimes and do some things better but, alas, that’s only a thing of fiction, and I am not, sadly, a character in one of my favourite books. If I was, I’d be a powerful, independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to be happy and I shouldn’t and maybe I don’t but, blimey, it’s so much better to live with a few friends by your side, the kind that are always there for you, and are there to support you no matter what, that’s the kind of friends everyone needs, and the ones I believe I deserve, for I think I deserve some long lasting happiness right about now, since I’ve had a bad run and now it’s time to get better. I crave a fresh start and that’s one of the reasons I want to go to university in another country, it’s a new start in a new place, alone.